Decimo, Marriage Counseller Extraordinaire
by Xnasha Minstrel
Summary: He was Vongola Decimo, Sawada Tsunayoshi, and relationship advice was not on his job description! But of course they all looked to him for it anyways.


**AN: This plot bunny was spawned while writing Weapon of Mass Seduction. Yes, I went from writing Tsuna out-cuting everyone to offering relationship advice.**

**I know. I****'****m sorry that I****'****m not sorry.**

**And prepare yourself for some really awkward conversations to come.**

**Summary: **He was Vongola Decimo, Sawada Tsunayoshi, and relationship advice was not on his job description!

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><p>"Lambo, I love you very much, but if you could be so kind as to tell me why you're in my office?" Sawada Tsunayoshi, Vongola Decimo and all-round problem solver, pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stave off the oncoming headache.<p>

The fluffy-headed teenager across from him sniffled and twiddled his thumbs. "Tsu-Tsuna-nii, I...I want to ask for your advice." Lambo leaned forward in his chair, looking earnest. "I asked I-Pin out for a date."

Tsuna managed to scrape up enough energy to smile at his Lightning Guardian."That's wonderful, Lambo! Do you have any plans?"

"That's just it, Tsuna-nii. I have no idea what to do!" The cow half-screamed, his face twisting in frustration. "I don't know where to take her! I mean, what if she doesn't like it? What do I do? _What do I do?!_" Letting his emotions get the better of him, Lightning started sparking over his body. Tsuna didn't need hyper intuition to know this was heralding imminent destruction and large amounts of property damage by hormonally-conflicted teenager.

"Lambo! Lambo, calm down. Take deep breaths. Breathe with me...one, two, one two..."

In the end, Lambo walked out of his office with enough cash to buy two tickets to the amusement park and expensive jewellery to boot.

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><p>He managed to get back to the paperwork for all of five minutes before there was another knock at his door. Tsuna resisted the urge to snarl and instead called for the person to come in.<p>

Yamamoto walked in, his usual smile just a bit off on his face. He sported the most intense black eye Tsuna had ever seen as well as several cuts. His suit was covered in dust, as if he'd been caught up in an explosion, which is probably what happened, considering who they lived with.

"Oh my god Takeshi, what happened to you?" Tsuna stood quickly and dug out the first aid kit that he kept in the office. Armed with rubbing alcohol and bandages, he proceeded to treat the swordsman's various wounds.

"...Gokudera got mad at me." The Rain Guardian muttered as he clutched the hunk of ice Tsuna generated with Zero Point Breakthrough to his black eye. "I forgot the date, and now he's out for my head."

"...Let me guess, you forgot it was your anniversary today." Tsuna sighed. "I thought you learned your lesson that one time five years ago."

Takeshi looked down sheepishly. "That's why I'm here. I want to ask you for a good way to apologize."

"My advice to you, Yamamoto, is to wait for a day or two until he calms down enough to not blow you up on sight." Tsuna sighed. "And get him chocolate. Lots of it. I'm giving the two of you the next five days off, so take him somewhere nice, and for Primo's sake, _grovel. _Grovel like there's no tomorrow!"

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><p>Tsuna did not remember putting a sign on his door advertising as a relationship counseller, but apparently everyone else got some kind of memo that he did not.<p>

This time, it was Colonello in front of him. There was the clear imprint of a hand on his right cheek.

"...yeah, it's that time of the year again. Can I stay for a few weeks until Lal calms down, kora?"

He just did not have the energy to yell at the blond. Tsuna could only nod tiredly and sigh. The Arcobaleno instantly brightened.

"Thanks, kora! I owe you one, kora."

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><p>He sighed. Maybe now he could die under his piles of paperwork in peace.<p>

There was another knock at the door.

"...that is it. THAT IS IT! I'VE HAD IT!" The brunet marched to the door and barely managed to take a deep breath before he jerked it open. "_What is it?__"_

Chrome looked at him with her single violet eye wide. The expression made him feel like he was kicking a puppy. Tsuna sighed again (man, he was doing a lot of that today, wasn't he?) and let her in.

...Oh. Apparently she only wanted to drop off some paperwork.

(Tsuna doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both at the same time.)

"...Bossu? Can...can I ask you...something?"

What followed was the most awkward conversation about Mukuro and his sex life that Tsuna will never _ever _try to recall.

(He definitely wants to cry now.)

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><p>When Squalo and Xanxus walked into his office arguing like an old married couple, Tsuna did not say a word. He merely froze the two of them before they could ask him for relationship counselling and got the hell out of dodge, away from his crazy mansion and the crazy people in it.<p>

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><p><strong>AN: I<strong>**'****ve been on a roll lately! And getting back a bit more inspiration for the KHR fandom, so I****'****m picking up steam.**

**Expect some very odd fics in the future.**

**Drop the starving author a review?**


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